New Year's resolutions?

I've realized, as I've been thinking about it, that I have a rather ambitious year ahead of me if I carry out my race schedule as planned (or daydreamt, or fantasized, more appropriately). Time to put it into writing.

I'm doing this on my cell while lying in bed. I have to be at the airport in 4 hours for an early flight, so I may not have all the dates right.

24 January: Manhattan half

14 February: Fight for Air stair climb

28 February: Hyannis half

21 March: NYC half? (have entered lottery; not counting on it)

9 May: Bear Mountain half

20 June: Mt. Washington road race

August: Pikes Peak? (depends if I qualify in Jan/Feb or not*)

17 October: Mt. Lemmon marathon

8 November: NYC marathon

15 November: Richmond half... or full?

*to qualify, you must have run a 2:30 half or a 5:30 marathon. Both I've easily done in the past (in fact, I'm not sure I've ever run a half slower than 2:30! But, you must have done this in the past 5 years. Thus the uncertainty.

22 November: Flying Monkey Marathon

Running clubs, and their role in my life

When registration opens in three weeks, I'm going to register to run the North Face Endurance Challenge Bear Mountain half marathon. This will be my third trail run - a challenging (but not too technical) 15k and a half-marathon (also not too technical, and my first ever half!) being my two preceding trail races. I'd like to get more into trail running, despite the fact that I have limited access to trails for training. Anyway, point being, this will be my first attempt at a trail race for which I've actively prepared.

The North Face offers two levels of preparatory classes: one seems to be essentially a weekly running club, and the other (significantly more expensive) includes tailored training plans, nutrition, trail scouting races, and two runs per week. I'm tempted. I've never felt like I should pay to go running, and I'm an experienced enough runner at this point to know that it's just laziness - and not lack of training, partners, gear, etc. - that keeps me from reaching my goals.

Still, there is something to be said for accountability, and putting one's money where one's mouth is certainly gives accountability.

I'm contemplating it.

I got the Garmin.

Sorry for the silence lately... like the rest of America, I'm on vacation gearing up for a month's worth of holiday eating.

But, yeah, I got the Garmin, and I've had the chance to take it out a few times. There's a lot about it that I love. The amount of data is impressive and useful. The integration with software I use (RunningAhead) and the heart rate monitor is also great. But...

My problem with the Garmin is that it's like a treadmill. I hate running on the treadmill because it's terrifically boring. I spend the entire 30 minutes - and I rarely, rarely go more than 30 minutes on that tedium machine. I spend the entire time staring at the control panel on the machine, counting my footsteps as I try to pretend like it's not as boring as it really is. And having the Garmin, well, it's a lot like having the worst part of the treadmill (the control panel) strapped to your wrist.

This morning, I wanted to do 6m. I went out 3.13 and turned around, forgetting that my route started downhill and ended with an uphill. By the last mile as the hills picked up, it was getting tough. And there was the Garmin, mocking me with its GPS indicators: 5.23m... 5.29m... 5.44m... etc.

How to reckon PRs?

All runners are naturally obsessed with setting and breaking their own personal records. It just comes with the sport - we're competing with ourselves, so we want to beat ourselves. I will never win an Olympic medal in running. I will never even win a local race!

When I was younger and had just begun running, I was faster. Such is life, I guess. I hope to one day be that fast again, where anything slower than an hour for a 10k sucked and my goal of breaking 25 minutes in the 5k was not that far out of my grasp (25:40 PR, thank you very much).

Then I got sick. And old.

So, what do I do? Do I start my PRs all over again? Someday I want to be back where I was before, and I most certainly am not so old that it's out of my reach. But I'm not there yet, and in the meantime I'm taking any improvements I can as affirmation.

Music, la la la la

What do YOU listen to as you run? Do you... think about your day, plan out what you're going to do? Do you... problem solve, teasing out work or personal problems in your head until resolution? Do you... zone out, either by listening to music or through the zen cadence of the run?

Me, none of the above. Without fail, about a quarter of the way into the run, I'll get a song in my head and it will stay there for miles. Often only the chorus. Common offenders: Eye of the Tiger (cliche, but effective), Single Ladies (Beyonce), Piano Man (Billy Joel), almost anything by Jim Croce. Recently it was She-Wolf, by Shakira. Over and over again, for probably half of my run. And I only know the chorus of the song.

To GPS, or not to GPS

I'm contemplating getting a Garmin.

Everyone I know who has them absolutely raves about them. I've held off because I've never thought of myself as someone who runs far enough or, frankly, fast enough to be able to use the data. I have this vision of myself as a lone runner, wind in my hair, running for the joy and the thrill of it with no regard for petty aspects of running like speed, distance, heart rate, etc. I run as far as I want, as fast as I want, when I want.

Trouble is, that's not how you get better, and I really really would like to get better. And, regarding my thoughts that I don't run far enough, I have done 5 marathons. Just because I'm much closer to 10-20 mpw right now than I am to long runs of 10-20m doesn't mean I haven't put in the lifetime miles, nor does it mean that I won't in the future. So the Garmin is a seductive little beast.

I had one of the first incarnations, the version where you strapped what felt like a deck of cards to your arm, waited several minutes for it to find a signal, and then got back a choppy read on your speed and distance. It wasn't the best, and once google maps and walkjogrun.net came along, it really didn't do anything for me that I myself couldn't do with a stopwatch and a preplanned route from the computer. Those days, I did my speedwork on a track and was happy about it.

Yes, speedwork! I'd love to do it again. I'm trying to follow a training program for my Jan/Feb half marathons that calls for me to run several runs at my 10k pace and my planned half pace. Running 10 minutes at my 10k time on a track is a) boring and b) too much math for me to do on the fly to make sure that my laps are all at tempo.

I do have an iphone, and runkeeper/mapmyrun are sort of useful. I hate carrying around the iphone - there's that deck of cards strapped to your arm feeling again, not to mention that it's awkward and bulky to check the iphone midrun. I've had bad luck with both programs when the phone is anywhere but strapped to my arm. I also have a nike+, and while I swear on it for the price factor ($30? hell yeah!), I hate listening to music while I run and it, too, isn't quite accurate enough for checking midrun. I've found its distance calculator to be nearly spot-on for me, and the overall pace is good, but the two together mid-run... It seems to always record me either doing a 17 minute mile or a 6 minute mile. Neither of which is where I'm at right now!

The Garmin 405 is tempting, with its beautiful fashion-forward watch look. The 305 still sort of looks like a deck of cards, but the Amazon reviews suggest that its design is much better (evidently the 405 is a deadloss when you're sweaty). Better yet, the 305 - with HRM - is only $170.

Drat.

I lost another toenail.
Or should I say, I lost the same toenail, again. It's come and gone for a few years now and never did grow back right that last time.

Time for a trip to the podiatrist to have this bad boy removed, I think. Sadly it's the big nail on my left foot. Glad it's not sandal season.

Last 10k of the year... and a rant

As I've said before, I'm going to be running the New York City Marathon next November. Ordinarily, registration is by highly competitive lottery, but they make an exception for local runners: if you join their club (literally, the New York Road Runners) and run 9 local races in one year (plus volunteering at one), you can be guaranteed entry.

My boyfriend thinks this is racketeering. The rock bottom minimum you'll pay for this is over $300. And that's assuming you register for each of your 9 races in advance, don't miss a single one, and don't count transportation costs, time costs (both in running and in picking up your number two days before) or in shoes.

The thing is, I hate these races. Hate them. So much. It was fun to run in Central Park... the first time. Then I realized that it's really hilly and frankly kind of boring. There's no scenery, the terrain is straight-up pavement with no variation, and there are always, always the same boring amenities (ugly t-shirt at registration, water and a bagel and an apple at the finish). During the summer they excited everyone by briefly offering plums! Wow!

And frankly, the New York running scene kind of depresses me. There are many, many, many type A corporate peeps who decide on a lark to run a marathon or a race and - you know what? They're better than me. Almost all of them. I've been running for a decade and I'm not good and I'm okay with that, but I do kind of hate getting beaten by novices in brand new shoes and perfectly matchy-matchy running outfits. It gets depressing.

But worst of all, the NYRR has an inherent bias against slower runners. They organize their corrals based on predicted or actual time - actual for those who register in advance and have a race history with them, predicted otherwise. My current "best pace" they have on record is 10:12 per mile... certainly not fast by any objective standards, but hard-earned for me and I'd like to think somewhat respectable. I am always the back of the pack. Always. If I registered race day, I could say I expected my 10k time to be 36:00 and I'd be at the front. If I'd never run before, I could say, "Oh, I run a 6:30 mile" and I'd be at the front. Many people do exactly this, so I spend the first mile of these races dodging walkers. And the last corral, where I'm sent to, is typically .25-.5m away from the start. The races are capped at 6,000 runners, yet I can't always see the start from my place in the corral - worse conditions than the Chicago Marathon, which had 40,000+ runners!

Anyway, I ran a 10k today. My 10th race of the year, making me more than qualified for guaranteed entry next year. It went well - only walked once for less than a minute, and that was on Cat Hill.

Novice mistake, or an insult?

Today I ran with a local running store's running group for the first time. I saw them advertising a "fun run," and something about the ad suggested it would work for me (I've tried other running groups, and found them frequently way too fast for me).

The weather was predicted to be cold and rainy, so I dressed for cold and rainy. It was actually brisk and sunny. As we headed out, I said, "Oh, I'm overdressed!" aloud and proceeded to take my running sleeves off (I'd planned ahead). The pace leader said, "Yes, being overdressed is a common mistake people make when they first start running!"

I know she didn't mean anything by it, but I've been running for over a decade.

Featuring: Yours Truly

So, this is kind of a funny story.

In a few months, I'm supporting my brother's insane (and recent, and healthy) weight loss by "competing" in a stair climb race. (I put it in quotes as he anticipates finishing in a time roughly 3x that of the expected winner - I'll probably be ahead of him, but not by that much.) The sponsor of the event is the American Lung Association, which is great and all, but we chose the event mostly based on the fact that the building we'll be climbing (twice! 31 stories times two climbs, for 62 stories) is immediately adjacent to our hometown.

But I do have a connection with the ALA, which is that I nearly died of a pulmonary embolism 18 months ago. It still kind of freaks me out to say that. It doesn't feel like I "nearly died," it felt like I had some chest pain and then was home a few days later, on blood thinners with some swank hospital-issue slipper/socks.

The ALA sent out an email blast yesterday, promoting the event and offering training tips. In small print at the bottom, the email asked for personal stories. Sure! I emailed them my tale, and less than an hour later they called back to say they were interested in my story and would love to use it in an upcoming issue of a local sports magazine. Sure!

The next step is that I'm to send them photos. I need to take a few new ones, I think - I have some from earlier this summer, and I'm pleased to say that I've trimmed down since then. I also have some from... before... and I'll send them at least one of those, but it feels a tad deceptive to know that I'm like 40 pounds heavier now than I was before.

Hot damn!

5m Turkey Trot, 52:21. I'm on fuego. Seriously - it rocks. The course even had a rather large hill, which I *rocked*. I'm actually excited about doing a 5k in a few weeks. Finally, I'm feeling like a runner again. Enjoying going out running, feeling like it's a part of my life again and not something that I *want* to be a part of my life.

A minor accomplishment

I was looking at my calendar, and realized that I exercised at least three days a week every week this month. It may not show on the scale or in my clothes yet, but I'm getting out there and doing something. That's something to be thankful for.

Good, good, good

In order to qualify for guaranteed entry into the New York Marathon (I'm sorry, the "ING New York Marathon"), one must either run a qualify, aka superfast, time or run 9 of the New York Road Runners qualifying races in the year prior. Naturally I went with the second option, being as the first wasn't a realistic choice. (I mean, come on: they want you to run like a 90 minute half or something physically nearly impossible.)

Today was my 9th race.

I woke up in a foul mood about it. I haven't been running enough and my times have been getting consistently worse, not better, over the past year. I've registered optimistically for a bunch of races that I've ended up not doing and I'm totally burnt out on racing. The races are meaningless - they're often even on the same course in Central Park, and it just doesn't excite me. So I was bitter to begin with and frustrated and I left a little late so I had to race to get there and everything was conspiring for me to be having a crummy day.

Except...

I started talking with this woman at the start, and before we knew it we'd flown through the course (well, flying sort of like turkeys or penguins, but hey). I missed setting a post-illnees PR at the 4m distance by 2 seconds. And I had a great time! Apples have never tasted so delicious as the one at the end of that course.

When I started, I was texting a friend about how I think I'm over these races and I'll take my chances on whether or not I even want to do the marathon in 2011. But now... well, I've already (tentatively) added a half-marathon to my schedule for January.

What would YOU do?

Yesterday, I met my running partner to run in the morning. I quite like her. We get along well and we seem evenly matched in terms of pace, goals, etc. We met at 7am, our usual time – it's probably important to know, though, that I travel about 25-30 minutes by bus or bike (yesterday bus, due to the cold) to meet her. We hadn’t met up for nearly three weeks prior because she had been on vacation and then I had some stuff going on. It had been a while. When we were both there, she opened with, “I know this is terrible, and I hope you’re not upset, but I’d kind of like a brisk walk today instead of a run. I’m out of shape and feeling it from not having run in a while.” She told me that I could feel free to run if I wanted and she wouldn’t be at all upset.

What should I have done? What would you have done?

I’ll tell you what I did: I walked. I wasn’t under time pressure and I’d come out for the company as much as the exercise. But… I’d come out for the company and the exercise, and I don’t feel that I get as much out of a walk as a run.

I should add that I’m not at all upset with her, and I’m almost glad she didn’t warn me ahead of time (in which case I likely would have begged off, not gone out to meet her and not done any exercising that day).

Body for me!!

I've realized that I'm not going to achieve one of my goals this week, straight up: I can't bike to work, as there's only one day this week that I'm going in to the office (today), and I need to be dressed up for a Very Important Meeting. So, that goal will roll over.

Similarly, I may not be able to take boxing. Boxing is offered two nights at my gym, one being tonight (precluded by Said Work Activities), and the other is Friday (possibly - but not definitely - precluded by jury duty). If I can go Friday, I will. Not sure.

I already screwed up another goal, "Do a week's training as prescribed," this week by going on a long bike ride yesterday. Worth it, although I feel like I caught a touch of a cold. I'm not too bothered by not meeting my goals, since I instituted them as a way to ensure that I got out and got moving this week. And I have done that.

But, but, but! More important! The bf and I have decided to try the Body for Life program. It's similar to a lot of weight lifting programs in that it essentially asks you to start lifting, to jack your protein intake and restrict your fat consumption, and exercise regularly. I think that one thing that will be key to my longterm fitness is getting him on board with something, and he's excited about this program. Plus, I like feeling like I'm doing something, like I have a goal or a target. The program is quite prescriptive. (We're actually combining it with the completely free Labrada program.)

We'll see... He went to the gym 6 times over the past 7 days, and I don't feel too shabby, myself, so...

Goals for the week

Okay, here we go. I'm going to start making weekly goals to keep myself on track.

I'm torn between making them super ambitious (as that's my wont) versus making them modest (and thus increasing the likelihood that I'll actually complete them).

Goals that are on the tip of my tongue, but are not modest:
-do a week's training as prescribed
-take a spinning class
-take a boxing class
-run 20m/week
-bike to work

So... more realistic and modest goals for the week beginning Monday, 15 November:
-attend one boxing class
-bike to work

I am not taking this seriously

What is motivation?
Do I just not want it badly enough?

Every day I make choices. And most days, these choices are ones that lead me down roads that are a continuation of my current lifestyle, the lifestyle that I know needs to change. And yet - I wouldn't say that I feel powerless to change, because I am aware that I and I alone have the power to do it.

When I play 30 minutes of Bejeweled Blitz (but seriously, THE most addictive game!) instead of going to the gym or working, I have made a choice to do something ultimately unsatisfying - but with immediate gratification - for something that will provide more gratification in the long run, but will not have an immediate effect. So how do I get myself to think longterm rather than short?

Rest days: when are they okay, when are they slacking?

I find myself struggling with the idea of rest days. When I have a training schedule that I'm following, it's easy: I run when I'm supposed to, I rest when I'm supposed to. When I don't have that schedule in front of me, I find it way, way too easy to justify a rest day. I mean, I don't want to push it too hard too soon, do I? Risk injury, burn out, etc.

Trouble is, my normal state is somewhere between "sloth" and "snail." Left to my own devices, I can easily, easily think of many reasons why every day should be a rest day. Some of them are legitimate, most aren't. The biggest one, time, is ambiguous: of course I have the time in my day. I just don't always make the time. I can't easily go to the gym during lunch or anything like that, and by the time I often wake up, it's late enough that it would affect my day's productivity to go out and run. And yet, getting up earlier than usual is very, very hard when you don't have someone to meet and you're sleep starved.

I've called in a friend to craft me a training schedule, as that may be the only way I'll get out the door. Plus, tomorrow I'm setting the alarm for an hour earlier. Both today and yesterday I woke up moments before the alarm, which tells me that I'm getting enough sleep and am well rested. Waking up earlier will only help me to get to bed earlier.

It's not about the scale

Oh, it's not, Tracy?

Then why do you have that little meter to the side, tracking your weight loss?

It's not about my weight for me. I can honestly say that. It's about feeling good, having my clothes fit me (the clothes that I've spent years lovingly acquiring - I am that superficial); it's about looking at myself in the mirror and being confident that I'm the best person I can be. When I look in the mirror now, I'm unhappy. When I exercise and when I'm fit, I'm happier. Typically - but not always - this happiness has coincided with a lower weight. That said, I ran my marathon PR when I was roughly 20lbs heavier than when I ran my first marathon.

Objective measures are what we have in society, for better or for worse. I want to get fit, so I'm going to go out and exercise. I want to measure my improved fitness, I'm going to use quantitative measurements to do this. (Personally, I've chosen to do Weight Watchers in conjunction with exercising regularly.)

When my doctor wants a quick synopsis of my health, she uses my weight. I can't get off my rat-poison coumadin pills until I'm no longer classified as "overweight," being as "overweight" is a risk-factor for blood clotting. My doctor has my best interests at heart and will neither let me be at high-risk nor flout accepted medical practice. And I really, really want to stop taking coumadin.

And then, of course, there's science. I want to run a sub-30 minute 5k (and eventually, eventually, I want to set a new PR and finally break 25 minutes). If I'm carrying around 10 or 20 or 30 extra pounds, it's going to be harder to do this.

It's not about the scale. It's about me. If I can achieve these goals (happiness, health, fast running times) without making my weight loss "goal," I'm a better person for it and I'll throw out my scale.

Weekly weigh-in

I fell and I fell hard this week. What happened to me?

I was Icarus, flying too close to the sun, believing myself to be invincible. I had such a good week of eating well and exercising last week; how could I not lose weight?

Answering that question is actually going to prove key to fixing myself, because I made a series of all-too-common mistakes that I'm prone to make and that are going to hinder my progress. Rookie mistakes. Things I should have seen coming and could have compensated for, if I hadn't blithely believed myself to be beyond it.

1. On Friday, I waited too long until eating dinner. Way too long. By the time dinner was upon me, I was a lost cause. Cooking was out of the question; food delivery was in order. I went with the "healthiest" delivery option, which was Chinese food. I used not having a menu as an excuse for ordering my favorite style of breaded chicken. I could have salvaged this by having a snack earlier, by ordering something legitimately healthy, or by not eating the whole gosh-darn thing just because it was in front of me and I was hungry. Ravenously hungry. Or, better yet, by planning for my meals in advance earlier in the week. Hint that I was doing something bad: my entire meal was brown.

2. My eating rampage continued on the weekend, as I went completely off-plan and continued to eat myself silly. Excuses this time? It's already too late after Friday night's binge, the fact that I had lunch with some friends on Sunday, or (the classic) it's the weekend; I deserve a treat. Taking care of myself is a treat. I can't avoid dinner parties or restaurants for the rest of my life. I'm a dummy.

3. I didn't exercise as much as I could have. This is due to a variety of factors, each interesting:

a. lack of sleep. The heat in my house has been damn near unbearable lately, as the seasons shift from warm to cold with a heating system that I do not control that seems to have either full-on or completely off as its only two options. I don't know what to do about this. On one hand, it's a legit reason, but on the other hand, it's not a problem that's going away any time soon and I need to learn to adapt.

b. the "weekend!" syndrome; the same thing that caused me to overeat. The weekend should be a time for exorcising the week through exercise (play on words!). Instead, I didn't do anything. I think the solution here is to remember when exercise was an enjoyable treat, which is still is... once I get out the door.

c. classic underestimate food intake, overestimate exercise. I did some exercising this weekend: on Friday, I went ice skating and to the gym, and on Sunday I went rowing. Sounds like a lot, right? Well, the ice rink on Friday was so small and crowded that I couldn't even get enough speed to attempt a crossover. And the rowing? We were headed downstream. I barely broke a sweat. But, I was able to tell myself to take it easy because I'd already worked out. Ha!

This thing that I'm doing is meant as a lifelong challenge to myself, a way of life to which I'll hopefully adapt. This is not meant as a few month's struggle followed by a reward. It will feel good to once more be thin and fit, but the reward will not be allowing myself to binge-eat fried Chinese food in my pyjamas at 10pm on a Friday night. The reward will come when I catch a fleeting glimpse of myself in the glass as I'm walking around and don't think to myself, "Oh, dear, my arms are MUCH thicker than I realize," or "Nice back fat."*

*These are not meant to be overly self-deprecating; I'm being upfront about my goal weight in the sidebar to the right, and that goal is many, many pounds from now. I am heavier than I care to admit right now.

Three in a row! I'm a hero!

Not much to add today. Just wanted to congratulate myself for exercising an epic THREE DAYS IN A ROW.

And... the resolve lasts two days

So typical: I got up this morning a little before 8 and promptly got my running clothes, including shoes, on. I filled my water bottle. I found my ipod. Then... I puttered. And puttered. And made up excuses for why I didn't have time to go running before work. And checked my email. Finally, it was too late and I genuinely did have to go to work. Why am I like this? Where is my self-control?

I didn't shower but instead brought my gym clothes with me to force myself to stop at the gym on the way home from work. I always feel better when I run, so why don't I run more? What is the obstacle that keeps me from doing something I know is good for me and that makes me feel better about myself?

Another note: I'm at work now, and I just got lunch from our cafeteria. Some pasta and steamed vegetables. The cafeteria worker insisted on sprinkling some extra cheese on my pasta for me, before I could even object. I love the food here, but I love it precisely because it's so terrible for me (ribs and fried chicken is a typical day for us).

This post is not about a boat. It's a SHIP.

I was intending to fly under the radar, to be one of those coy bloggers who teases about her location periodically without giving it up. Like, first I'd mention that I was in a fairly large, metropolitan area. Then I'd drop some hint that would lead you to suspect the east coast. I'd narrow down that I'm not in the south, then I'd let slip that I'm not in New England, and then months and months maybe years down the road those of you who were paying attention would suss out the exact city.

Well, blog three and I'm letting the cat out of the bag. Something pretty neat happened on my run this morning, and I'm sharing it. Today was the homecoming of the USS New York, an "amphibious transport dock ship" or "amphibious assault vessel" made partly out of steel from the WTC site. I paused to get some pictures - there was a nice little viewing area near a midpoint of my run and a whole flock of gawkers. Helicopters were in abundance, as were really, really large cameras. Although... some of the gawkers were poorly informed. I've since learned that it's decidedly a SHIP, not a boat (someone said to me, "There's a huge, stealth looking boat coming up the river!!"), and that it can hold 361 - NOT 3500 - marines.

Those of you paying close attention will now be able to discern one of my favorite local running routes.

Babies! Here, there, and everywhere

I am a woman of a certain age. By "certain age," I mean that I am somewhere between my mid-20s and my mid-30s... the age when suddenly, seemingly within a few months, you go from being happily a singleton in a sea of singletons, to being the lone singleton in a sea of married, home owning, baby-bearing friends. For me, it had been creeping up slowly over the past two years, and it reached a breaking point this past week when one of my friends told me she was pregnant with her second and when my work tried to pressure me into opening a college account for my yet-unborn children.

The motivation behind this post? When I tried to create my fancy little weight loss widget you see over to the right, I was faced with the fact that something like 99% of widgets like that are baby-countdowns. NOT YET, people, NOT YET. I may have what looks like baby weight, but it's actually cheesesteak weight.

You come back, one year from today...

When I was in college, I was really impressed by all of the Partnership for a Drug Free America commercials. Did they keep kids off drugs? I don't know; I was never the sort who was into that sort of thing. But, they were interesting commercials. (Except for the ones that tried to be funny. Those were just awkward.)

One of my prized possessions, before the digital age came to be, was a videotape of their spots that they sent me when I wrote them to tell them how much I enjoyed their commercials. One of my favorites was a short video of a junkie who alternated between talking about shooting up and talking about how close he was to being clean. The spot ended with him saying that he could quit any time he wanted, that he was just about to quit, and that if "you come back here, one year from today, I'll be... successful."

That became a catchphrase that's haunted me since. I have to laugh any time I hear anyone say, "Oh, I could do it any time I wanted," or, "One year from now, I'll be [whatever]." Uh-huh. Seeing the image of the poor addict saying those words brought home, quite effectively, how few of us pay more than lip service to our goals. Yet here I am, making that same declaration: You come back, one year from today... I'll be fit. I'll have lost weight. I'll be running to my full potential again.

Only I'm making this declaration out loud to the public in true 21st century fashion: I'm blogging it.

About me.

First off, before you read anything else, here is the explanation for my blog header. Yes, it's a joke. No, I don't think I can make the Olympics.

I grew up in a running household. My dad, an avid runner, ran the Chicago and New York City Marathons back in the '80s, and my early memories of him include having to put opened cans of pop in the mailbox at the start of his run (so they'd be flat by the end, when he got home).  My sister started running around the same time I did, and before long she was an ultramarathoner, a competitive runner, and even had sponsors for a while.

I always thought that if I exercised, I'd be a runner - but instead I was a chubby kid, a total bookworm.  Until college.  The summer before my senior year of college, I was living in a small town in New Hampshire, bored out of my mind, and I took up running.  By the end of that summer I was regularly running at least 25mpw and was addicted.

My first injury, predictably, came a few months later, as I was testing the limits of my new-found sport and developed a tibial stress fracture.  I healed from that, started grad school, and got talked into training for a marathon with a friend of mine.  (I told her I'd train with her but probably not run the race - I finally committed right around a 20 mile long run.)

A new training partner got me into speedwork and consistent training, and I started to think of the marathon as more of a race and less of an endurance challenge.  I also got another stress fracture, just as our miles started creeping regularly upwards (scandalously for a runner! - I didn't keep good logs).

I then spent a year abroad in an area where running was very, very difficult.  When I got back I immediately got back into it and was training for the Paris Marathon when I got a terrible case of pneumonia that had me sick and unable to take deep breaths for months.  I didn't run Paris, sadly.  The act of climbing the stairs up to my 2nd floor apartment knocked it out of me - there were times when I literally crawled up the stairs because of the pain.  Just over a year later, with my running still totally miserable, the doctors realized that this had actually been a pulmonary embolism.  Unfortunately they realized that when I was diagnosed with a second clot.

Some people bounce back from these things quickly.  I didn't.  When I moved to New York six months after my second clot, I had gained weight and could (still!) barely walk up stairs without lung pain - climbing out of the subway would take me several minutes.  Long, excruciating, frustrating minutes.

Now I'm completely healed. I was never fast before I got sick, and I recognize that I may never be even that fast again. In fact, strictly by the numbers I kind of suck as a runner and my tenacious dedication to it despite this fact is impressive.

Here are a few of my most popular posts, if you want to catch up with me:
-Some freelance running journalist made some comments on twitter and I blogged about them
My most popular post, thanks to the magic of social media.
-In defense of the running skirt
Yeah, I wear a lot of running skirts.
-My runs are not a "journey"
But good on you if yours are.
-The 2010 Chicago Marathon, in pictures
It was bad.
-I climbed Mt. Washington
It was good.
-And also the Empire State Building
It was hard. 
-I ran a 22k (yes, 22k) race in Luxor, Egypt during the Egyptian Revolution
I got stranded.
-I love Running Times, but they're using sex to sell magazines
And it's kinda hot, kinda sexist.
-I hate bloggers who give life advice.
Come on, guys, you're not pro athletes.
-Have you ever thrown up after a race?