On I went, out of the wood, passing the man leading without knowing I was going to do so. Flip-flap, flip-flap, jog-trot, jog-trot, curnchslap-crunchslap, across the middle of a broad field again, rhythmically running in my greyhound effortless fashion, knowing I had won the race though it wasn't half over, won it if I wanted it, could go on for ten or fifteen or twenty miles if I had to and drop dead at the finish of it, which would be the same, in the end, as living an honest life like the governor wanted me to. -Alan Sillitoe, "Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner"

Thursday, November 12, 2009

I am not taking this seriously

What is motivation?
Do I just not want it badly enough?

Every day I make choices. And most days, these choices are ones that lead me down roads that are a continuation of my current lifestyle, the lifestyle that I know needs to change. And yet - I wouldn't say that I feel powerless to change, because I am aware that I and I alone have the power to do it.

When I play 30 minutes of Bejeweled Blitz (but seriously, THE most addictive game!) instead of going to the gym or working, I have made a choice to do something ultimately unsatisfying - but with immediate gratification - for something that will provide more gratification in the long run, but will not have an immediate effect. So how do I get myself to think longterm rather than short?

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