On I went, out of the wood, passing the man leading without knowing I was going to do so. Flip-flap, flip-flap, jog-trot, jog-trot, curnchslap-crunchslap, across the middle of a broad field again, rhythmically running in my greyhound effortless fashion, knowing I had won the race though it wasn't half over, won it if I wanted it, could go on for ten or fifteen or twenty miles if I had to and drop dead at the finish of it, which would be the same, in the end, as living an honest life like the governor wanted me to. -Alan Sillitoe, "Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner"

Monday, December 20, 2010

I'd like to thank the Academy...

It's an honor to just be tagged!  The Angry Runner is doing one of those question things.  She tagged me.  I'm so flattered.  Without further ado, the LONGEST POST EVER:

1.  Name one movie you'd never watch again even if someone paid you.
Here's the thing: I have a crummy memory, especially for bad movies.  There are some that I'd prefer not to see again: like the Blair Witch Project, because it made me motion sick.  Or Maid in Manhattan, which I've seen way too many times thanks to repetitive cable.

However, I have a memory somewhere between that of a goldfish and a gnat, so I'm going to say "(500) Days of Summer" since I just saw a preview for it that reminded me how much I hated it.  I know that most of you are going to say "Oh, I thought it was so cute!" but you're wrong.  It was overly twee, super cliché, and most of all hugely problematic, even down to the stupid parentheses in the title.  The one promising, strong female lead in a romantic comedy turned out the same as all other women at the end: of course all she wanted out of life was to be married!  What else might a woman want out of life?

While I'm telling you how much I hated movies you liked, I also thought Juno was stupid.  Because real teen pregnancy doesn't involve looking adorable the whole time, having the support of your family and friends (minus one 2-minute scene where you complain, for like a second), and then heading off into the sunset with your babydaddy-cum-boyfriend once the birth and adoption have become nothing more than a fond memory for you.

Either one of those movies or "2 Girls 1 Cup."  Do viral internet videos count?  (NB: if you are not already familiar with this internet "sensation," do NOT I repeat DO NOT watch it.  Seriously.  I am NOT joking.  Do NOT watch it. And don't be mad at me if you do watch it and are upset after.)

2.  Name 5 fictional characters you want to have dinner with.  And TELL ME WHY.
I had a lot of trouble with this question, and I don't stand behind my answers entirely.

     1.  The Angry Runner herself.  Because I don't believe she actually exists in real life, and she seems supercool.
     2.  Sebastian Valmont in Cruel Intentions.  Because he's played by Ryan Phillippe, and his character is a total cad so he'd probably try to sleep with me, and Ryan Phillippe's superhot.  Actually, I'm kind of tempted to name Ryan Phillippe's characters in other movies as my #3-5.  Come on - he was hot in Gosford Park, right? And Stop-Loss?  Did I mention Stop-Loss?
     3.  Ed Harris' character in the Third Miracle (movie, not book).  Because he had such an interesting job. And seemed like an interesting person, too.
     4.  Nemtynakht, the protagonist from the ancient Egyptian tale of the Eloquent Peasant.  The story is boring as all get-out, but I love the bad-guy way that Nemtynakht rolls.
     5.  Good King Wenceslas.  For his funny name and the fact that he seems like a nice guy.  And also, he talks funny, so it would be nice to have someone there to say things like, "Hither page and stand by me, if thou knowst be telling/yonder peasant who is he" when he means "Come here/give me the 411 on that dude."  Plus, he could bring the flesh and the wine.

3.  Give me a race on your "must do" list.
Pikes Peak.  I don't really have any desire to do the full - the downhill sounds like sheer hell.  But I want to do the Ascent, badly.

4.  Any races you've done that you will never ever do again?  Why?
I'm still not over this year's Chicago Marathon.  There are other fall races with better courses, better corral organization, and less volatile weather.  But I wouldn't say never.  Honestly, there haven't been any races yet that I would absolutely say I wouldn't do ever again.  There have been a bunch that I'm indifferent toward.  Maybe the NYC Half Marathon, because $90 is too high of a price to pay to run around Central Park and anyway, I did it last year.

5.  Cake vs. Pie: Your pick?

I'm what some would call a glutton.  I like food, and lots of it.  This is part of the reason why I run - because I would be a crazy fatty if I didn't.  (Oh, also I love it, but I would be crazy fat if I didn't run.)  I'm not as keen on desserts as I am on meat, so understand that while I'm eating the cake-pie I'm secretly wishing I had a giant steak in front of me instead.  I don't like pecan pie, but other than that, bring it on.

6.  Last meal - what would it be? AND YOU ARE ON DEATH ROW SO MAKE IT CREATIVE.
This is tricky.  As you probably know, you can request whatever you want, but you'll get what they have on hand.  You ask for crab legs; you get fish sticks.  Etcetera.  But I would guess that the gist of the question is what I would want, not what I would get.  I'm in a raunchy mood and I'm kind of tempted to say something gross like asparagus and beets in case it ends up being true that one does, um, void themselves upon being electrocuted.

Honestly, I'm more wondering what I did to end up on death row.

But, I would want barbecue ribs (WET not dry), macaroni bechamel (as in, the Egyptian street food - macaroni, bechamel, and ground water buffalo), freshly made guacamole, McDonald's cheeseburgers, some charcuterie, a bottle of Moscato, and some Dairy Queen blizzards: banana split, french silk pie, and banana cream pie.  And also thin mint.  Never mind that thin mint is a seasonal flavor - I'm on death row, they can make a thin mint blizzard for me, dammit.

7.  Favorite book to movie adaptation ever? Least favorite?
Okay, this is a tough one.  On one hand, I'm a huge fan of the movie Rules of Attraction, and the book is terrible terrible terrible.  I also really love Cruel Intentions (although, if you haven't read Les Liasons Dangereuses, GO and read it NOW - epistolary fiction at its finest).  But, that said, Silence of the Lambs is my favorite movie of all time, and the book isn't very good.  So, best book to movie adaptation.

Btw: I have it on good authority (from someone who's been there) that there is a REAL LIFE ANIMATRONIC Anthony Hopkins/Hannibal Lecter mannequin that SPEAKS in the Behavioral Sciences section of the FBI headquarters at Quantico.  And they actually did film the movie largely at Quantico.  I must see that someday.

Worst?  Too many to choose from.

Are you seriously still reading?  You're almost at the end.  Unfortunately, as we've gone over before, I am where memes go to die.  So I'm not going to tag anyone. Plus, the Angry Runner tagged my current favorite running bloggers.  If you have a burning desire to answer questions I put forth, let me know and I'll write questions for you.


  1. "Twee" is one of my favorite words. Didn't see the movie, though. Now I don't want to. But Zooey what's her face kind of bugs me in a crazy girl kind of way.

  2. Yes. And it kind of annoys me that everyone acts like she's this AMAZING and FRESH and INTERESTING person. Although I really liked her in the Good Girl.

  3. Are you joking? I LOVE 2G1C.

    And you're right about 500 Days...totally retarded. I turned it off at like, day 150.


    Totally with you on Juno. One of those movies that pisses me off more every time I think about it. (See also, Garden State.) Less certain on 500 days of Summer, only because I interpreted it slightly differently (I thought Tom was being a douche the whole time and continued to be a douche regardless of what Summer was doing, see also Annie Hall ;p). Not that I *like* it per se, but well..I don't know what else to add.


  5. Hahahahaha! Okay, said it before, will say it again: you crack me up. :)

  6. I thought epistolary was that thing they do when you have a baby and your hoo-ha gets all messed up. Kidding, though I am going to have to look it up anyway and I was an English major. But that was like 50 years ago and actual working has wiped all literary-ness from my brain.