On I went, out of the wood, passing the man leading without knowing I was going to do so. Flip-flap, flip-flap, jog-trot, jog-trot, curnchslap-crunchslap, across the middle of a broad field again, rhythmically running in my greyhound effortless fashion, knowing I had won the race though it wasn't half over, won it if I wanted it, could go on for ten or fifteen or twenty miles if I had to and drop dead at the finish of it, which would be the same, in the end, as living an honest life like the governor wanted me to. -Alan Sillitoe, "Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner"

Thursday, December 29, 2011

I hope this is the worst thing you see all day

After a stunningly mediocre run today,* my sister and I stopped off at the running store where she moonlights. While there, I saw the most horrifyingly horrendous sports-related product I have ever seen. Worse than pink body glide. Worse even than those crazy bouncy shoes:


"Handful" - A sports bra designed to flatter, not flatten. It's padded. Like, hugely padded. Like, more so than any of my normal bras. (I tried to photograph the padding. Just trust me on it.)




As Sonja, a Boston Marathon finisher, attests on their website, "I want spectators to focus on my strength and determination-not my nipples!" Or, like they're packaging states, "You're active. You're versatile. Your'e one of a kind. You're a handful."


I don't get it.

Let me just put it out there: I have nipples. Sorry for offending those of you who weren't aware of this, but I in fact do. And yes, on the rare occasion when it's cold enough, there is the chance you will be able to make out a faint outline of a nipple under my thick sportsbra and shirt(s). And if you do, well, I have one thing to say: Stop staring at my chest, you perv.

*with really good company. Nice to meet you, Danna!

10 comments:

  1. I saw these at an expo once and had to just walk away. So horribly stupid. I do not get it. But then again I vaguely remember a girl in high school track running in a water bra.

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  2. Moving Comfort also has padded running bras available. I also don't get it. They say it can go from the office to the treadmill (or pavement, pick your surface). Personally I'd prefer the inconvenience of changing into a different bra. I just don't want padding when I'm running, thank you.

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  3. A bunch of running bloggers will shilling these awhile back. They honestly do not look very supportive. And seriously, I'm running. Stop staring at my nipples and go get some exercise.

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  4. Hey, I.m famous now. It was great meeting you too. We will have to do it again the next time you are I. Town.

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  5. Silly autocorrect - I. Town. = in town, but you knew that.

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  6. I've heard of these, and my impression of them was that they're designed for the super lean runners that don't really have boobs. So, they don't need to be supportive, and the padding is less about hiding nipples than adding some curves to their not-so-curvy figures.

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  7. *hanging head in shame* I bought one. Only because I read a blog that gave it rave reviews for us less chesty women. Blame it on my traumatic childhood of being called a Pirates Dream -- get it? Sunken chest? ANYWAY. So. I bought it and have never worn it on a run. The padding is out of control! I went from an A cup to a D and promptly removed them. Then, it was just a comfy bra that didn't offer any type of support. I wear it for yoga and use the pads to dust my furniture.

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  8. UGH - I just typed up a long comment that got accidentally eaten up by blogger. I will now try to recreate it.

    But Bridget, don't be ashamed! I think that what Dawn said is absolutely spot-on. I didn't even pay attention to the support because I was too busy staring at the padding and being horrified by all the nipple references, but I think that adding curves is a big part of their game.

    UGH. In other news, I have to do a review next week of a product I was sent, a product that everyone with a blog seems to be gushing about, and I really didn't like it. Awkward. I think that a lot of these companies send out loads of product, and most bloggers feel like they're compelled to write a good review in exchange for the product.

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  9. those spaghetti straps are not helping anyone who actually has boobs. I have a couple of running bras with a bit of foam lining - not so much padding, but just part of the construction - and they don't help the cold nipple problem whatsoever. So I'll just continue flashing my headlights away.

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  10. I DON'T get the sports bras, tanks or competition swimsuits with padding. Who wants to carry around soggy sweat-filled sponges with them on a run?! Who wears these things? I am flat-chested, I stopped caring about that when I was 20 and revel in the fact that I don't need anything heavy duty to keep the girls from swinging up and knocking a tooth out, so no- I do not want curves when running.

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