On I went, out of the wood, passing the man leading without knowing I was going to do so. Flip-flap, flip-flap, jog-trot, jog-trot, curnchslap-crunchslap, across the middle of a broad field again, rhythmically running in my greyhound effortless fashion, knowing I had won the race though it wasn't half over, won it if I wanted it, could go on for ten or fifteen or twenty miles if I had to and drop dead at the finish of it, which would be the same, in the end, as living an honest life like the governor wanted me to. -Alan Sillitoe, "Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner"

Thursday, February 9, 2012

More running-related products of a questionable nature

When I saw the SWIH, I knew I had to try one. When I saw these next two products, I didn't feel the same compulsion.

First up, the... I'm having trouble even typing this name... the "Squattie Pottie." (Now, don't get confused and go for the "Squatty Potty" instead - very different.)

Squattie Pottie

Squatty Potty - got it?
My sister told me about the Squattie Pottie. Evidently she got some branded wet wipes in a race kit and, curious, checked out the website. Which you should do, too, now. Essentially, if I understand correctly, the product is sort of a self-catheterization. You never have to use a dirty restroom again! Because, I mean, that's gross. Peeing into a small bag that's attached to you and then later changing that bag at your convenience while meanwhile carrying around a pouch of urine - finally, we have a viable alternative to having to actually get up and go to the bathroom while we're working, for instance. As you can read in the testimonials, you can even use it to pee into a Nalgene bottle.

Gentle mocking aside, I can see how this product would appeal to people as an alternative to an adult diaper. But for camping? Or hiking? Or running? Ladies, just man up and squat it out. Yes, not peeing on your leg is an art, but it's one you can practice. Believe me. I lived in a tent for over a month in the desert. Do you see any bathrooms in this photo? NO. Because I had to open-air it.

Next up. Zaggora Hot Pants. My friend Tamara sent me this link, and I think she actually was hoping I'd try them. I'm not going to: 1) $70 before shipping? and 2) didn't we learn anything from Martin Lawrence slipping into a coma while running at noon in LA during the summer in a sweatsuit as an attempt to lose weight?

Hot Pants = bad

Everything about this = bad
Basically, these pants make you sweat a lot. Because of that, you lose more weight. But don't take my word for it - read the testimonials:

Megan: I have used my Hot Pants several times... They definitely make you sweat A LOT. You'll feel cool and comfortable the whole time, just do not forget to bring an extra pair of panties. I've had to walk home from the gym commando a time or two.
Callie: OK I notice the difference the first Day. Yes they are a bit noisy but who cares !!!!! Certainly not me.
Samantha: They only down falls for me are they are loud. They make a swishing sound. But I can live with that. It is just hard to wear them under clothes cause they make a noise like you are wearing a diaper.
Unknown: I lost 50 pounds in just 2 months!! I just walked around and had sex with my husband with was also a workout hehe. Best pants ever

But these are just a few of the opinions. What do you think?


  1. I don't know how you find this stuff, but I love it!

  2. I've seen Groupon try to push those weird shorts for like $25, so I guess maybe those testimonials are not doing their job !!!!!!

    Also, if you haven't read David Sedaris's thoughts about those weird "carry-your-pee-with-you" devices, you really should. I'll try to remember which of his books he mentions it in. It's hilarious.

  3. Your blog header made me laugh....quality first I pressing for your readers!

    You must know. I own a freshettte. You may want to look this up...it allows me to pee standing up, mostly for hiking, and is really just a fancy funnel. I love the thing. I can't get any of my girlfriends to use it. This strikes me as something I should post about....

  4. Flipping auto correct. "impression ". Not I pressing.