On I went, out of the wood, passing the man leading without knowing I was going to do so. Flip-flap, flip-flap, jog-trot, jog-trot, curnchslap-crunchslap, across the middle of a broad field again, rhythmically running in my greyhound effortless fashion, knowing I had won the race though it wasn't half over, won it if I wanted it, could go on for ten or fifteen or twenty miles if I had to and drop dead at the finish of it, which would be the same, in the end, as living an honest life like the governor wanted me to. -Alan Sillitoe, "Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner"

Monday, February 6, 2012

This is how I roll

I'm classy as anything, what can I say? If you needed further proof, here it is: a cell phone self-portrait, taken in a public bathroom, beer in hand. Yes, I look like a pirate.

Where did I get the beer? Well, on Saturday, I ran a race.

Sort of.

I mean, I kind of DNF'd, sort of.

But let's back up to Friday night, when I tweeted this (NB: I don't technically remember tweeting this):

When Saturday morning came around, I wasn't exactly in peak shape. It was a trail half in New Jersey with my friend Renee - she has a goal of doing a half each month, and she'd recruited me to do this one.

As we later said, it was a pleasant hike, but a crummy run. Yeah. Due to a bathroom incident (as in: there weren't bathrooms), we even started several minutes late. I knew early on that both loops of the course weren't happening, but I tried to hold off. When it was seeming like a half marathon that was closer to 4 hours than it was to 2 (by a fair bit) was in the cards, I knew I had to put myself out of my misery. There was a 10k option to the race, so we dropped out at 8m. I mean, um, we switched from the half to the 10k.

The good news? They were giving beer! Even for losers like me.

The better news? We went to Dairy Queen after! Yes, I double fisted. Banana Cream pie and Choco Cherry Love. (As my little brother says, proving yet again that Blizzard names and B-list porn star names are indistinguishable.)

I kind of hate myself for not finishing the race. But I would have hated myself more for walking the whole freaking second loop. It is what it is.


  1. The Dairy Queen by me closed, so the only one available is in the middle of the gay strip. THat place is awesome! (Where else can you see drag queens eating blizzards at 4 in the afternoon?)

    I wouldn't sweat the race too much. All you have to remember is that no matter what, you always ran more than me!

  2. I think this is one of the best race reports I have ever read. I love it!

  3. Where is the part where I say "I told you so!" ;)

  4. How can you hate yourself while double fisting DQ Blizzards?!? Made my mouth water thinking about them.

  5. Now that's what I call taking lemons and making lemonade-flavoured Blizzards. You are awesome!

    PS: there is a DQ just 2 kms from the ATB finish line.

  6. I'm sorry you DNF'd, but your sense of humor about the whole thing is fantastic!

  7. I think this is absolutely awesome. LOVE IT! :)

  8. I CALL SHENANIGANS ON THAT TWEET. You don't remember tweeting it, yet you were still in a state that allowed you to apply sensible spelling and punctuation... heck, you even had a semicolon in there!!! Talent.

    Sorry about the DNF but meh, it happens. Not sorry about the beers and blizzards.

  9. True: I have NEVER been so drunk that I've foregone proper grammar and punctuation! NEVER!

  10. Hey, if God tells you to drop back to the 10k and load up on double blizzards, you must obey. Who are we to question? This bodes well for the Olympics.

  11. Well... you have a funny story to tell - so at least you got that out of the race! (And you didn't just sleep in and skip it entirely...)