Yesterday I had the strangest thing happen to me, and I need advice/help.
In fact, I contemplated not even writing about it - frankly, because I'm kind of embarrassed. But I don't really know what happened, and I'm wondering if anyone has any thoughts or suggestions or maybe just commiseration.
Yesterday evening, I'd agreed to meet a slightly faster friend for an evening run. The plan was to do a 6m loop of Central Park in his usual 58ish minutes - more of a tempo run for me at this point, but a pace that should be manageable. About a mile in, I realized we were going much too fast for me. I'd had a long day spent mostly in the sun and probably hadn't had enough to eat or drink (I'd felt depleted before I even began the run).
Also complicating things, I don't sleep well in the summer. I think I'm the only person in the world who does NOT sleep well with white noise, so I'm faced with the choice of sleeping in the heat (bad bad bad) or running the AC (too much white noise for me and almost as bad). I wake up most mornings exhausted. I've joked with my friends that I need to start hanging out in hotel bars in hopes of picking up a businessperson and spend the night in the quiet cool of his hotel room. Totally joking. Yeah.
Also, I've had a lot going on lately, including finishing up a huge project for work, finding a new apartment, saying goodbye to a much loved roommate, and accepting that I'm going to have to give up my dog for the year (custody agreement with the ex-boyfriend; at least I get the to keep the shitty-ass cat). It's all together put me in a pretty bad mental/emotional state.
So basically, a perfect cocktail of fatigue, pushing the run too hard, and not dealing well with personal stress. And then...
As we neared Cat Hill, about 4 miles in, I was in a bad way and decided to walk up the hill. As soon as I stopped running, I involuntarily got the chills. My legs nearly buckled and without any thought, I started sobbing. The weird thing is, this wasn't emotional. I was upset, sure, but what happened to me was purely physical. There was no "I'm upset and I'm going to cry" moment; instead, it was like all of a sudden there was just too much of something. Adrenaline? Endorphins? Something bad? It just all bubbled over and I was out of control. I got it together and we ran the last two miles slightly slower, but it happened again when we stopped running at the end.
What gives? Sadly, I can't even blame PMS. I need running as a stress release; I can't have it turn into something that stresses me out (and I'm not a cryer, so crying isn't cathartic for me but instead stresses me out). Any thoughts or advice? At least tell me I'm not alone.
In fact, I contemplated not even writing about it - frankly, because I'm kind of embarrassed. But I don't really know what happened, and I'm wondering if anyone has any thoughts or suggestions or maybe just commiseration.
Yesterday evening, I'd agreed to meet a slightly faster friend for an evening run. The plan was to do a 6m loop of Central Park in his usual 58ish minutes - more of a tempo run for me at this point, but a pace that should be manageable. About a mile in, I realized we were going much too fast for me. I'd had a long day spent mostly in the sun and probably hadn't had enough to eat or drink (I'd felt depleted before I even began the run).
Also complicating things, I don't sleep well in the summer. I think I'm the only person in the world who does NOT sleep well with white noise, so I'm faced with the choice of sleeping in the heat (bad bad bad) or running the AC (too much white noise for me and almost as bad). I wake up most mornings exhausted. I've joked with my friends that I need to start hanging out in hotel bars in hopes of picking up a businessperson and spend the night in the quiet cool of his hotel room. Totally joking. Yeah.
Also, I've had a lot going on lately, including finishing up a huge project for work, finding a new apartment, saying goodbye to a much loved roommate, and accepting that I'm going to have to give up my dog for the year (custody agreement with the ex-boyfriend; at least I get the to keep the shitty-ass cat). It's all together put me in a pretty bad mental/emotional state.
So basically, a perfect cocktail of fatigue, pushing the run too hard, and not dealing well with personal stress. And then...
As we neared Cat Hill, about 4 miles in, I was in a bad way and decided to walk up the hill. As soon as I stopped running, I involuntarily got the chills. My legs nearly buckled and without any thought, I started sobbing. The weird thing is, this wasn't emotional. I was upset, sure, but what happened to me was purely physical. There was no "I'm upset and I'm going to cry" moment; instead, it was like all of a sudden there was just too much of something. Adrenaline? Endorphins? Something bad? It just all bubbled over and I was out of control. I got it together and we ran the last two miles slightly slower, but it happened again when we stopped running at the end.
What gives? Sadly, I can't even blame PMS. I need running as a stress release; I can't have it turn into something that stresses me out (and I'm not a cryer, so crying isn't cathartic for me but instead stresses me out). Any thoughts or advice? At least tell me I'm not alone.
I'm thinking it had to be the adrenaline. You have a lot of stresses - mental and physical from the run, and when you stopped, it just surged through you. Hang in there. :-) This too shall pass.... (or at least that's what they say).
ReplyDeleteThank you :) That's exactly how it felt - like, I stopped running, but something in me DIDN'T stop and needed an outlet.
DeleteI cried at the end of a training run last year for no apparent reason. I was legit bawling in central park and some guy actually stopped to see if I was okay. It happens!
ReplyDeleteI hate that this happened to you, but I love that someone stopped to check on you! New Yorkers can actually be nice sometimes. Always awesome to hear that.
DeleteI would bet money on heat exhaustion. I've found myself crying while running during the summers here. Part of why I decided not to run long during the summer.
ReplyDeleteThat makes so much sense. I really applaud your common sense for skipping fall marathons. I always feel so terrible when I hear your stories of obscene heat/humidity even at the early hours of the morning.
DeleteI think I've read that the chills / goosebumps are a sign of heat exhaustion, although that doesn't make a ton of sense since yesterday was so much more mild than it's been lately. Probably some combination of lack of sleep, dehydration, etc. Have you been alright since then? Feel better!!!
ReplyDeleteIt makes a little more sense when you consider that I'd been in the heat all day yesterday and that I did ALL of my runs last week mid-day because I am an idiot.
DeleteYou're not alone - that happened to me once last winter on the WSH. I got overwhelmed and felt myself almost cry, so I had to just stop, take deep breaths, and sit down for a while. Like you said, sometimes there is just too much of something.
ReplyDeleteAnd, it will be OK! You will be OK!
The damned 25yo wouldn't let me stop. (He was very nice about it, but I think he thought that I'd feel better if I pushed through the run.) Obviously I need more Dairy Queen ;)
DeleteFeelings are stupid and lame!
ReplyDeleteJust kidding. I certainly wouldn't worry about it; it's probably just a stress reaction. This happened to me once, only during yoga which was also embarrassing because yoga is "supposed" to do that, and yet, feelings.
I have SO had that during yoga. In fact, my first thought this morning was to find the most soothing, meditative yoga class I could because then I understand the catharsis. I actually love that feeling... when you're so into yoga that the emotions just come out. Speaking of which... where is your yoga studio? Since we'll be borough-buddies soon, and all...
DeleteI don't have a studio proper; I go to classes at the gym and whatever other random/ free options I can come up with. I'm thinking about buying a pass at Virayoga in SoHo (where the teacher at last night's class teaches). But there are studios in Brooklyn everywhere (stereotypes save time!) so we should do some shopping for the good ones. I would be remiss if I didn't plug my friend's roommates' gym in Prospect Heights which has cost-by-donation yoga on Thursday nights.
DeleteI haven't had heat-catharsis but I DEFINITELY have had heat related temper tantrums. Stupid summer and its ass face.
Thank you thank you THANK YOU! I can't believe I didn't think of heat exhaustion.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I'd spent ALL day in the sun/heat viewing apartments and walking around Brooklyn. I'd actually had a mini melt down around 4pm waiting for the bus and threw a little bit of a temper tantrum on the street because of the heat.
Second off, I'd had muscle cramping all weekend, enough that I'd skipped a run on Sunday in part due to it. It was inexplicable: I wasn't overtrained, I couldn't figure out why my calves were seizing up. I'd taken a salt pill and a multivitamin, suspecting it was some sort of potassium/electrolyte thing.
Thirdly, and most damningly, years of living/digging in Egypt have given me bad exposure to sun/heat and no real coping mechanism for it. I've actually had that bad one where you stop sweating before, and from what I've heard, once you've had heat-related problems in the past you're more likely to get them in the future.
There is too much going on in my life right now and that's making it all worse. I know that a lot of it was all "Feelings are stupid," as Ellen put it. But knowing that at least SOME of it was physical - and now being able to figure out how to fix it - makes me feel a lot better.
Heat exhaustion was the first thing that came to my mind too :) I hope it doesn't happen again. That sounds scary! And you do need running as your stress relief! :)
ReplyDeleteGiven my history of heat-related illnesses (yeah, so I've maybe been hospitalized for dehydration before, NBD), I really should have thought of that sooner. But I've also lived in Egypt so I always feel impervious to the heat! How naive am I.
DeleteSo now you have a solution, internet FTW! Feelings are still stupid, anyway.
ReplyDeleteSo is Brooklyn. Doy.
DeleteDear Chuck Norris,
ReplyDeleteWell thank you for not dying on me, your blood, sweat and tears were well-noted.
Sincerely,
25 yo
I HEART YOU SO HARD, YOU ADORABLE DORK :)
DeleteI'm glad you shared this. I have had two similar experiences with unemotional, inexplicable crying spells during or after strenuous physical activity, although extreme heat was not a factor in either of my cases. Seems like general underlying exhaustion might be a key player. Combine that with serious heat and physical activity and you've got a nice recipe for physiological monkey business. It would be fascinating to find out what's going on.
ReplyDeleteAgreed. Heat exhaustion is a convenient excuse for me, but whatever happened was physiologically so much more than that - it sounds like you (and others) know what I mean. I used "catharsis" as the title for this blog, but it was all so involuntary that it didn't really feel like there was any release/relief.
DeleteI think you're probably losing your mind. NBD, just embrace it. Eschew all responsibility. Live off of the good will of others.
ReplyDeleteJeff, don't you think that if anyone around me had any good will I would already be living off of it? Never mind me, I'm just crazytown...
Deletehi T! I am back to running and blogging. In all sincerity it happens. Running is frustrating!!!
ReplyDeleteYay!! Welcome back!
DeleteUmmmmmmmm....you just explained my marathon a few years ago. At the end, I was a blubbering mess and I don't cry.
ReplyDeleteWhat I'm intrigued by, and what makes me think it's physical as much/more than emotional, is that it seems to start as soon as the running stops. Weird.
Delete