On I went, out of the wood, passing the man leading without knowing I was going to do so. Flip-flap, flip-flap, jog-trot, jog-trot, curnchslap-crunchslap, across the middle of a broad field again, rhythmically running in my greyhound effortless fashion, knowing I had won the race though it wasn't half over, won it if I wanted it, could go on for ten or fifteen or twenty miles if I had to and drop dead at the finish of it, which would be the same, in the end, as living an honest life like the governor wanted me to. -Alan Sillitoe, "Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner"

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

The road to hell is paved with my old blog entries

Or maybe the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Same-same.

I was reading through my blog archives (ah, the joys of having several years of your running history documented on the interwebs), and I was reading things like, "Now I'm going to start doing speedwork!" or, "I'm totally going to run Pikes Peak sometime soon!"

But if there's one thing I've learned reading running blogs, it's that you want to read about winners. You want to read about people who run hard and do a good job at running cool races - not people who sit on their couch eating ice cream again instead of taking their training seriously.

I like to think that I'm pretty well in touch with my abilities. However, sometimes my physical abilities (what I could be capable of doing) conflict with my motivation (what I can actually get myself to do). And therein lies the problem. I want to be a better runner... sort of. I just don't want it enough.

Some of this I've understood about myself for a while: I use running as a stress release, as relaxation. When I train, I have to turn running into something goal oriented, something competitive, something that's the antithesis of relaxation. And then I risk enjoying it less.

I don't have any deep thoughts to go along with this. I just wanted to acknowledge that I see this problem and that it frustrates me. To close with another cliche, I'm not going to make any excuses. My friends don't need them and my enemies won't believe them.

Besides, I'm totally going to start following a training schedule tomorrow, man. Tomorrow. There will be speedwork. And races. And crazy time goals. Right? Right?


  1. I like how you part laid back runner and part type A...you don't overstress training and focusing on a single goal but you have done a ton of races and been running, though at times inconsistently, for years.

    1. thanks, Aron! I know you're right and that I'm just going through a phase right now... but I wish it would end and I would snap back into it. it's like I've lost my motivation to complete long-term goals.

  2. I am doing a lot of "tomorrow" thinking too. It bugs me sometimes that I know I could do more if I tried harder, but I do try to just be happy with the physical activity I do do... why is it so hard? :(